by Gayle Plato-Besley, M. Ed.
College advising had a new challenge as my professor and program coordinator tried to help me today. We talked on the phone about my return to education. As I formally offered talking points of my plans and program for finishing up a special education certification, she asked me to update my resume too. " Include some of the day-to-day challenges you face as a writer and a mom."
At that moment, my son ran by, screaming louder than most can process, "I'm Captain Diaperhead", donning a lovely old Pull-up on his noggin. I shushed the child who shall remain nameless, only to have him bellow he must be free and then he broke into a guttural yowl, asked if it was Grandpa on the phone, picked up the other receiver, and said, "Hey Grandpa, I was the best burper today at my table!"
I nervously joked with my advisor: "Is this the type of thing I am to bullet point on the resume? I am sooo sorry for that and I won't use these examples as I discuss my views on classroom management. " She politely laughed and got of the call in less than 15 seconds. I don't think she has any kids.
So with that, I smiled at my boy, then yelled for he's now trying to write on the wall, turned to the kitchen only to trip over the dog. It's a Wednesday.
I am mulling the new inclusions of my six-plus year hiatus from the working world. I am a stay-at-home mom who must face the real world again. I'll have to wear actual outfits, style my hair before leaving, and explain myself to outsiders. I am now middle-aged and lose my readers; I used to be a young, energetic teacher with hope. Now I'm just glad to get a parking space close to the front door. How do I summarize my "job" in one concise half page?
The Plato-Besley Professional Vitae: 2002-2008
Birth Mother
2 months bedrest, lots of crying, baby five weeks early, sporatic sleep since.
Professional Toy Assemblywoman
Parts and repairs manager, puzzle piece tracker, and playroom overseer. Able to fill a Rubbermaid bin in less than 15 seconds.
Organizational Novice
Home looks like a dumped junk drawer on any given day, but good intentions rule the desired ease and beauty. Martha Stewart I ain't, but then I don't have a prison record either.
Social Spin Doctor
of all Familial Hypocrisy
Writes all trite newsletters at Christmas, attends play dates with other annoying moms, feigns concern for others at required school or church functions while offering death ray stares at lackidaisical husband.
Wife of the Year
Tolerant, lovely, and giving, while totally misunderstood-- or so my husband describes himself. Me, I am the Stitch Witchery of love balancing mild distain with unrealistic expectations as I age not so gracefully.
General Diaperhead
As my son is Captain Diaperhead, I assume a higher rank. When correcting my child's behavior, I lean on my counseling training in postive self-talk, affirmative parenting, and love and logic skills that would make Barry Wong cry with pride. Then I threaten to take away everything my son owns, yell, and
also give him the death ray stare of pending hellstorm.
So how does one incorporate those personal bests into a future member of some school staff? Stand back world, here I come, sans the Pull-up on my new hairdo.